Thursday, January 29, 2009 @ 9:22 PM
I want the older days back.
Moments in time when I constantly gave ear-to-ear grins, which I'm typically known for. I didn't have to care, be worried and be scared about what tomorrow would bring.
And most importantly, I had my happy place.
I was happy.
And now what?
I cry. A lot.
I become more sensitive every time I get hurt. And this unfathomable cut here, in my poor throbbing heart, grows even more unfathomable. Well no, this isn't about love. Particularly, love towards a him. I suppose, you know what I mean.
I just feel a lot different. Different from who I used to be. I now often feel downhearted. Sad. Tired. Melancholic, as if my soul's torn or something. Moreover, I can't help but think and worry all the time.
It's deviant how I spend most of my time staring into space. Silent and simply allowing my thoughts to wander off. When folks spot me, they'd ask, "Tana, okay ka lang ba?" Then I give an awkward smirk, and respond, "Oo, okay lang ako". They'd answer, "Ang tahimik mo kasi eh" or "Ang tahimik mo nanaman eh".
I'd try to compose myself and get back to reality. My brain goes WHAT'SWRONGWITHMEWHAT'SWRONGWITHMEWHAT'SWRONGWITHME!
What the hell is wrong with me?
There are even times when I'm with some chums, I'll be unvoiced and I'd have this tedious look on my face. When they'll be able to observe that, they'd ask , "Tana, okay ka lang ba?" As usual, I'd answer, "Oo, okay lang ako". Which is in fact true. Then they'd answer back, "Ganyan na ba talaga ang normal mong mukha?". dot dot dot
People aren't just used to seeing me cheerless.
Ever since last year, when Mr. Problem and Ms. Stress came rushing towards me and filled my whole system up, I've been acting as the total opposite of a once bright and breezy *me*.
I don't smile much now. Sometimes I even think that I don't have time for it anymore.
I miss the old days.
I miss the ol' me.
I miss the times when my eyebrows weren't always touching.
I miss how I don't have to think too much.
I just miss how I'd laugh about everything.
I want my happy place back.
I want to be happy again.
-Lemme' be melodramatic for awhile. I don't have anyone to talk to, except you my dear blog-ee. :(
Coffee Crumble & Sugar Jelly
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Classification:
Human Specie
Current Mood:

If you wish to make me happy, you might as well buy me a ticket to either a Manchester United game or the Tyra Banks Show.
To Oprah's would also be fine, as long as Beyoncé's the guest. :)
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